First, the idioms, slang, colloquialisms, stereotyping and jargon need to go. Then a more professional and more business-oriented communication would be appropriate wherein the emphasis is shifted to the reader rather than the writer. We need to insert respect and sincerity. At the risk of offending the boss, I think it needs to be totally rewritten rather than patched. Tell the boss you have some additional ideas you would like to insert in the message and then proceed to rewrite it more along these lines:

I want to personally welcome each of you and your families to your new job site location within our company. All of us extend a warm welcome, and look forward to a closer working relationship with each of you as a result of your move. If there are any transitional issues, please contact me or our Human Resource Department for assistance. We are here to assist you, if we can. From a personal perspective, I would enjoy meeting and talking with you if there is anything that can be done to ease your move.