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Homework answers / question archive / Would you mind taking a look at the following article to check if there are major problems? Are the expressions used correctly, especially those bolded, underlined, words in italics

Would you mind taking a look at the following article to check if there are major problems? Are the expressions used correctly, especially those bolded, underlined, words in italics


Would you mind taking a look at the following article to check if there are major problems? Are the expressions used correctly, especially those bolded, underlined, words in italics.
Are there any repetition of ideas? How can I reduce the redundancy for this reflection?
Could expressions, phrases be replaced with better ones?
Are there any new points that I can add to this journal?
Could the conclusion be more presice?
Do you have any other suggestions to make improvements? Thank you very much for your help and I look forward to hearing from you.

Topic: Society (COVID-19)
News headline: Coronavirus: four in five needy Hong Kong families can't afford a computer for children's e-learning, study finds

Date: 6th Sept, 2020

Source: SCMP

         According to the article, during the COVID-19 school suspension in Hong Kong, many low-income families can't comply with the technical demands for their children's online learning. Some students had to share their parents' mobile phones with their siblings to attend online lessons, while others do not have an internet connection at home. The pressure group Alliance for Children Development Rights urged the government to provide immediate financial support to the needy students and lower the application criteria for subsidies of e-learning devices. Schools should also accommodate to students' needs and provide them with enough support. Furthermore, individuals were encouraged to donate computers and data SIM cards to help needy students.

My opinions towards the issue / Reflection:
                 I agreed that many low-income families couldn't meet the technical demands of e-learning for their children and needed extra financial support. During the COVID-19 pandemic, many low wage workers had been laid off. The economic downturn had caused skyrocketing of the unemployment rate. Many families living under the poverty line had lost their major source of income and were struggling for their basic necessities. Therefore, they were unable to afford costly e-learning devices for their children. They need extra financial support.
              In addition, most low-income families live in crowded sub-divided flats. Hence, their children may not have a favourable learning environment. This might also affect their learning effectiveness.
              In my opinion, insufficient support to these disadvantaged students would reduce their learning opportunities. This might diminish their learning ability and competitiveness for higher education. In the long term, the lack of concrete knowledge becomes difficult for them to adapt to society and improve their living standards. This might lead to intergenerational poverty.
              In my humble opinion, the government should provide more e-learning support to low-income families. They should send officials to low-income districts, subdivided units and rooftop slums. Officials should distribute data cards, digital-based learning tools to the needy students promptly. Furthermore, when approving e-learning device subsidies, they should avoid any unnecessary bureaucracy so that students can receive their devices as soon as possible. This would help students catch up with their learning progress.
               Apart from this, the government should help improve the hygienic conditions of these flats. They could provide subsidies for owners to install ventilation fans, repair leakages in pipes so that these children could enjoy a safer learning environment. In the long run, the government ought to increase the supply of public housing so that low-income families could have a better living environment.
              Moreover, I think as schools serve a critical line of defence for children and families, they should take the initiative to support needy students. In Singapore, according to a report by the Ministry of Education, schools not only addressed learning problems but had also gone further in helping the vulnerable children and their families. They loaned tablets, laptops and internet-enabled devices to students. Some schools even assisted parents to find jobs and provided instant financial relief to them. 
              From my point of view, schools in Hong Kong should also work with community organisations to aid needy students. After community organisations had collected second-handed tablets and computers, schools should act as a middleman to distribute these devices to needy students. Hence, they could receive the e-learning devices as soon as possible and their learning efficiency could be maximised. Also, schools should address vulnerable students and provide regular emotional support through phone calls during the pandemic. They should also monitor and develop tailor-made teaching plans for students with special education needs, such as students that are mentally or physically disabled.
               In addition, non-profit community organisations should also provide support for these disadvantaged students. They should organise fundraising activities through online platforms and collect second-handed computers. They could also collect unwanted SIM cards from retailers and telecommunication providers. Then, they should work with schools to help distribute these e-learning devices to impoverished children. Apart from this, they could provide financial support for low-income families to set up Wi-Fi networks in their flats so that their children could have smoother online lessons.
                 Moreover, with the rapid advancements in technology, these organisations should also collaborate with technological companies to develop cost-effective e-learning solutions for needy students. With the latest artificial intelligence and networking technologies, impoverished students can enjoy a better e-learning experience.
               Furthermore, as the saying goes 'A simple act of caring creates an endless ripple'. As individuals, we should help these needy children by donations and providing monetary support to their families. We should also donate any unwanted second-handed tablets, laptops, networking equipment to needy students via welfare groups. Individuals could also participate in volunteer services to help distribute e-learning devices to needy students. Citizens with computer engineering skills could also volunteer in helping needy students repair e-learning devices and set up Internet networks. (Should this sentence be placed in a new paragraph or combined together to the non-profit organisation point? Would that be too lengthy?)
              In conclusion, as mentioned by our founder, St John Baptist De La Salle, everyone should enjoy the right to be educated. Education is one of the fundamental human rights. Therefore, these needy students should be provided with enough support for e-learning during the COVID-19 pandemic. It is everyone's responsibility to help these underprivileged children. I hope with the combined effort of every individual in Hong Kong, all children can enjoy equal education rights.
(Better conclusion? Formal tone? Clarity? How should I make improvements in terms of Content, Audience, Purpose, Tone, Format and Style?)

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