Please respond in detailed, complete sentences, and always explain your answer.

 

IN GENERAL

 

What did you like best about this paper?  Why?

 

This paper is so nice. The paper introduces detailly what is to be discusses in the essay and points are clearly backed with their sources making the topic well understood. Also the essay has a smooth flow and you see all opposing arguments making the work wonderful

 

What do you like least about this paper? How can it be improved?

 

Actually, I didn’t see anything so bad but I just suggest you use some transitions at the beginning of each paragraph

Other general comments?

 

I loved the flow of the essay and I only suggest some few editings and proofreading.

 

FOCUS

 

What is your partner’s thesis or claim?  Where is it located?  Discuss questions or thoughts about the claim here. 

 

 The thesis is “Parents and guardians need to be able to explain the violence that children witness and help them process the things they see better.”(Kethelyn) This is located towards the end of paragraph 1. I think the claim is perfect as the topic is about if parents should be held accountable for what their kids watch.

 

 

Do you get a sense of the paper’s direction and focus early on?  Why or why not? 

 

Yes, I get a sense of the paper because it has a clear claim which is effectively backed in subsequent paragraphs and well refuted.

 

Has your partner identified an issue?  Does your partner divide his or her big topic/issue into 3 or 4 main sections to support the claim? What are they?

 

Yes, an issue has been identified. Yes I think it has been divided into 2 sections. The side for and the side against.It can be seen when she clearly discusses in favor of the opposing site of her claim in paragraph 7.

DEVELOPMENT / STYLE

 

Has the subject matter been explored and explained thoroughly?   Do you have questions about what is going on in any of the sections?  What sections need more development?

 

Yes, it has been explored thoroughly. I have no questions. I think the conclusion needs more development.

Did the author use any good argument strategies (induction, deduction, argument by authority, statistics, etc)? Name one.

 

I think the author used agument by statistics and also induction strategy.

Did the author use any fallacious logic or shady techniques (post hoc, ad hominem, hasty generalizations)?  If so, where?

 

I did not realize any fallacies.

Does the author use an effective introduction? What is it?  Does the introduction grab your interest? Does it set up the rest of the paper? Is there a creative technique that the author could add to make his or her introduction livelier?

 

Yes, an effective introduction was done. The author defines what the problem is and also addresses her issue question. A good hook can also be applied to make the introduction more captivating.

Does the author use an effective conclusion strategy?  What is it? Does it bring the paper to a satisfactory conclusion?

 

Yes the author uses a good conclusion strategy, this can be seen when she poses the question to the audience which in this case are for parents. Thus, it brings the paper to a good conclusion be posing a good question for parents to have in mind. Good one Kethelyn.

 

ORGANIZATION

 

Does the body of the paper follow the organization suggested by the introduction?

 

Actually, for me, I did not see an organization structure at the introduction but I think the claim is well backed up in the other paragraphs.

 

 

Does each body paragraph have a topic sentence or unifying idea?  Could you underline each one?  If you had to go back to outline this paper, could you? 

 

 

 

The topic sentences were lacking. I didn’t see them.

Does the paper have smooth transitions from paragraph to paragraph?   Does the essay flow well from idea to idea?  Where can these links be smoother?

 

Transition words were not used which would have made the transitions easier. I suggest you use variety. Also, at the conclusion try to use a suitable conclusive statement like “To wrap up, Finally etc”.

 

MECHANICS:

Were you impeded by grammatical or mechanical errors?

 Not to much grammatical errors, just need proofreading and a little editing.

Collet Fon reviewed_Aletha Saykor’s paper

Date:

7/23/2020                   

Please respond in detailed, complete sentences, and always explain your answer.

IN GENERAL

What did you like best about this paper?  Why?

The first best thing which I like about this paper is the topic of this paper. I also like some points which are linking behavior abnormalities and mental health issues because this is one of the most important issues in this era of globalization which is needed to be highlighted.

What do you like least about this paper? How can it be improved?

The thing which I liked least is that some of the paragraghs are to wordy, I suggest that maybe you try paraphrasing on the sources and do some more in text citations.

Other general comments?

MLA format was not followed especially in your Work Cited page. Try to put the authors in an alphabetical order and try using the hanging indent.

FOCUS

What is your partner’s thesis or claim?  Where is it located?  Discuss questions or thoughts about the claim here. 

The thesis is in paragraph 1, and its claims is to assess the level of aggressiveness behavior caused by playing violent video games. This is a good claim as further in this essay it can be seen how sources are being used to argue this claim

Do you get a sense of the paper’s direction and focus early on?  Why or why not? 

Yes, i got some sense of the papers direction because the issue question is presented right at the beginning of the essay and also it focuses on aggressive behavior due to violent video games.

Has your partner identified an issue?  Does your partner divide his or her big topic/issue into 3 or 4 main sections to support the claim? What are they?

Yes, an issue can be identified. I think I don’t really see the division but in one of the paragraphs, I see her refuting her claim which is awesome.

 DEVELOPMENT / STYLE

Has the subject matter been explored and explained thoroughly?   Do you have questions about what is going on in any of the sections?  What sections need more development?

Yes, the subject matter has been explored but I think it is to wordy and if focused could be put on trying to balance the argument by using some refutations and more intext citations with some fallacies. I also suggest that the first paragraph which is the introduction if it can be more clear, and improve on the thesis.

Did the author use any good argument strategies (induction, deduction, argument by authority, statistics, etc)? Name one.

No.

Did the author use any fallacious logic or shady techniques (post hoc, ad hominem, hasty generalizations)?  If so, where?

No

Does the author use an effective introduction? What is it?  Does the introduction grab your interest? Does it set up the rest of the paper? Is there a creative technique that the author could add to make his or her introduction livelier?

The introduction is good but not really captivating, I suggest a good hook at the beginning, then try to move your issue question at the first sentence to somewhere towards the end of your introduction and try to use some interesting words to better capture your audience as they start reading.

Does the author use an effective conclusion strategy?  What is it? Does it bring the paper to a satisfactory conclusion?

No, I don’t think the conclusion is effective because at this point, you should be wrapping up with the paper but instead I still see names of authors and not even using them to conclude but still stating a point. I suggest the conclusion can end like a question or a suggestion to your audience.

ORGANIZATION

Does the body of the paper follow the organization suggested by the introduction?

No.

Does each body paragraph have a topic sentence or unifying idea?  Could you underline each one?  If you had to go back to outline this paper, could you? 

There is only one main idea or the title of paper which has been discussed in the entire paper and thus there are no separate topic sentences for each paragraph.

Does the paper have smooth transitions from paragraph to paragraph?   Does the essay flow well from idea to idea?  Where can these links be smoother?

There are no use of transitions, and the paper actually flows. I suggest that you try to use closing sentences at the end of each paragraph which will try to introduce a new point which will be discussed in upcoming paragraphs.

MECHANICS:

Were you impeded by grammatical or mechanical errors?

No, there are not much grammatical or mechanical errors.