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The first one is my 3rd draft with professor's feedback

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The first one is my 3rd draft with professor's feedback.

The second one is the prompt of this workplace report.

The picture is the comment of my professor for this draft.

The last one is the screenshot of my professor's feedback.

You should revise the draft basing on all the feedbacks and comments, especially revise the structure and finding more in-depth source like library, article, magazine, authorities, and etc.

MEMORANDUM TO: First-year student FROM: Meihui Li DATE: 4/27/21 SUBJECT: Investigate Workplace Report on a Human Resources Manager Introduction As a senior student who majors in managerial economics, I was more interested in the Human Resources field due to my personality. After considering my major and interest, I wanted to explore the position of Human Resources(HR) Management for having a better understanding of this job I want to get after approaching graduation. My research would include information on the diversity of HR management, kinds of skills, and trends of the field. For this report, this is my pleasure to interview Yin Xu. Yin is an HR manager in Bank of Communication Pacific Credit Card Center in Shanghai, China. She has been in the HR management field for 15 years. I did an internship last year, and she was my superior. When assigned this workplace report, I connected with her to do this interview because she had a lot of experiences and was willing to share with us. Diversity of the Human Resources Management Human resource management is a contemporary, umbrella term used to describe the management and development of employees in an organization. Also called personnel or talent management, human resource management involves overseeing all things related to managing an organization’s human capital(HR EDU, 2021). According to the interview of first-year students, when mentioning HR management, they simply think it is a group responsible for recruiting employees. It also has many professional and interesting areas, including: Recruiting and staffing Compensation and benefits Training and learning Labor and employee relations Organization development Due to the diversity of the Human Resources management, each area also has many kinds of titles for their specific work, including: Training development specialist HR manager Benefits specialist Human resource generalist Employment services manager Compensation and job analysis specialist Training and development manager Recruiter Benefits counselor Personnel analyst(HR EDU, 2021) And so on...... While the field of work is so extensive, I am more interested in being an HR manager in the future. I know as a newly graduated student, it is not appropriate to set such a high aim, but I can do all affairs to prepare to be a better manager from the basic job. I will employ all my knowledge and experience to make progress. Moreover, it is known to us that in a common management group, the male would play an important role because there are a lot of difficult conditions for the female when working. However, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 74.2% of all Human Resource managers are the woman(BLS, 2021). Women HR manager has their advantages in kinds of aspects because of their personalities. For example, talking with the employee and getting his or her input on ways to better accomplish goals and fulfill job responsibilities is another thing women HR managers are expert at doing(Patterson, 2019). If you are also a girl like me who wants to be an HR manager but feels nervous because of your own gender, just remember in this job, you totally have the chance to use your talents. Written Communication In the field of Human Resource management, written communication plays a significant role. When I interviewed Yin Xu, she said that “our work can’t leave away writing anytime.” For example, she was writing a departmental work analysis summary which is over 800 characters to her general manager. The summary needed to summarize reports from different groups in the department and include basic personnel data changes monthly. She said she was planning to spend 2 hours doing that because she had a lot of emails to reply to and a lot of calls to answer. According to her interview and my research, the main type of writing in HR management are emails, job reports, creating the PowerPoint for presentation, and Excel for kinds of personnel files. Writing is approximately one-third of the job. Most of the writing is individual because everyone has their job. The most common writing emails because this is the main communication tool among the whole company employees. During the working time, the employee is not allowed to use the mobile phone, and their computer just can connect to the internal internet of the company to avoid them of leaking information like wages and employees’ private information and avoid them of going another entertainment website to distract working. According to Yin, all emails need to be direct and concise. For one thing, you need to communicate effectively with your colleagues at work because each one has many emails to check. For another thing, if you are responsible for recruiting, you need to send a large number of offer or rejection emails to people every day. As a company representative, you need to notice all writing terms, tone, and layout. There is anyone email missing or word mistake will cause negative influence for your company like bad impression from others. Form the interview of Yin, using skillfully PowerPoint and Excel is also the basic requirement. As a member of HR management, you need to do a presentation during the weekly meeting. Your PPT needs to be short, completed, and easy to understand. You have to develop your ability to write the PowerPoint because this is not your main work. It is a work report, so learning how to accomplish it effectively and not take up your usual working time is important. Oral Communication Oral communication is also one-third of HR management because it is unavoidable to deal with people in this field. Due to the specialty of HR management, there are four main types of communication directions in company-upward communication, downward communication, diagonal communication(also interdepartmental communication), and horizontal communication(Figure 1). Those represent different communication styles. Some of them are formal, and some are informal. Upward communication is when the lower levels of an organization communicate with the upper levels of an organization(HRM, 2011). For example, you need to notice your tone when you report your job to your superior. Besides, you need to learn the requirements of your boss ahead of time, so you can make your communication much effective and concise. Downward communication is the opposite of upward communication, in that the communication occurs from the upper levels of an organization down to the lower levels of the organization(HRM, 2011). As an HR manager, the most common thing you do is explain how to a task to other employees. It is your daily communication, you should be patient and fair to everyone. According to Yin, your tone should be serious but nice, making your employees establish their beliefs for you. A diagonal communication approach occurs when interdepartmental communication occurs with people at different levels of the organization(HRM, 2011). Specifically, Horizontal communication occurs when people of the same level in an organization, for example, a marketing manager and a human resource manager, communicate usually to coordinate work between departments. An accounting manager might share information with a production manager so the production manager knows how much budget they have left. (HRM,2011). Thus, you need to notice that your communication should be kind and effective. It is also widely used in upward and downward communication like I mentioned in the previous paragraph. When you doing a weekly report presentation or speech for employees, your expression is required to be effective and professional as an HR manager. Wages On the Human Resource Management According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the 2020 median pay for a Human Resource Manager was $121,220 per year and the mean annual wage was $134,580. (BLS, 2021). Comparing to other jobs, the salary of this job is attractive for us because its employment rate and wage rate still appeared an increasing trend. In the near future, there will not hugely change in the trend. Trend In The Human Resource Management Soran talks about that the roles of robots might redesign human resource management in the future because people are trying to figure out their skills like accurate analysis, comparing, accumulation, explanation. Besides, they have more potential capacity in training and employment. He mentions the employment of robots might save the cost and enhance the efficiency of HR working(Soran K, 2018). It is a brand new tendency for this field. Especially after the COVID-19, the global pandemic seems to promote AI. To resolve issues that appear after COVID-19, the mindset change requires shifting away from complicated thinking and embracing a complexity consciousness. HR managers will need to collaborate more with employees at every level. Companies need overcome obstacles by promoting engagement between diverse workers and departments(Bingham, 2020). During remotely working time, the complex problem needs collaboration among the HR department. Collective intelligence is group intelligence that emerges from the collaboration, efforts, and engagement of diverse teams. It is worth mentioning that these are irreplaceable by robots. Thus, the COVID-19 offered an opportunity to show that the significance of humans in HR management. Conclusion After taking the time to thoroughly research the position of human resource management and conducting an information interview with Yin Xu, I make sure that I will go on with my aim of being a human resource manager in the future. I will try my best to prepare for the job. Although there are many challenges due to the COVID-19 and professional skills, I will learn more knowledge and do internships during my upcoming graduate school. The most surprising thing for me when writing the workplace memo was the women's situation in human resource management. I did an internship in the Human Resource department last year, but the ratio of women and men was similar. I did not know my gender has so a huge advantage in this field, which will facilitate me to become better. Since other women do so well, I must be able to do well too. You should also consider the information I mentioned above to think about whether you are fit in this job because it really requires you to dominate much time and energy of your life. Works Cited “Human Resource EDU” https://www.humanresourcesedu.org/what-is-human-resources/accessed by 19 April, 2021 U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. https://www.bls.gov/careeroutlook/2017/data-on-display/women-managers.htm assessed by 26 April, 2021 Lindsey Patterson, “How women are recreating the role of human resource manager”, AlphaGamma, https://www.alphagamma.eu/entrepreneurship/how-women-are-recreating-the-role-ofhuman-resource-manager/ assessed by 27 April, 2021 Human Resource Management, University of Minnesota Libraries Publishing, 2011.https://open.lib.umn.edu/humanresourcemanagement/chapter/9-1-communicatio n-strategies/ Soran K. Omer, “ORGANIZATION ROBOTS; TREND TO POST-HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGEMENT (POST-HRM)”, Journal of Process Management. New Technologies,Vol. 6, no. 1, 2018, pp. 1 – 6. U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. https://www.bls.gov/oes/current/oes113121.htm Assessed by 27 April, 2021 Sue Bingham, “ How HR Leaders Can Adapt to Uncertain Times”, Harvard Business Review, https://hbr.org/2020/08/how-hr-leaders-can-adapt-to-uncertain-times assessed by 9 April, 2021. MEMORANDUM To: UWP 104A Students From: Dr. Milton, Instructor Re: Workplace Report Date: 4/4/21 Purpose Your second assignment will build upon the first in which you started learning about workplace culture and expectations. For the second assignment, you will do some research and research one specific, entry-level job in a specific profession. You will write an informal report in memo form about the job you wish to obtain and the field you wish to join so that you are prepared when you graduate or after you finish a graduate/professional degree. This is an opportunity to explore your future career, its professional expectations, and if this job is a good fit for you. Since this is a class about professional writing, you must research what kinds of writing are done in your chosen profession. The section on written and oral communication should be a significant component of the assignment and one of the key goals of your interview. You will need to research the following: • • • • • • • • How much writing is done by someone in this position? How much time (hours per day or % of job) do they spend writing? What genres, or types, of writing does someone in this job typically do? What is that writing like? What specific writing or communication conventions are typical for this organization? What is unique or notable about the writing style in this professional community? How is that writing produced? Individually or in teams? Whom is the intended audience? What are the consequences or effects of writing poorly or well? How much oral presentation is done? And formally or informally? These are all questions you should ask your interviewee and find additional written sources on. In addition to discovering what kinds of writing you might be doing in the future, you should also research trends affecting the field and other aspects of the organizational culture. For example, you might explore whether the field has experienced any recent changes (e.g. influenced by new technology, outsourcing, downsizing, recession, legal changes, Covid-19, etc.) and how that might affect your future. You may also wish to research generational and communication differences or job satisfaction/ job stress: • • • skills set/personality type required racial and gender diversity/glass ceiling stress level and job satisfaction 1 • • work/life balance trends in the field While you must write about writing conventions and expectations, the other information you choose to include will be somewhat up to you and the type of job/field (though it will also depend on your audience’s expectations). The goal is to help you transition to the workforce and recognize how you must adapt to a new culture. What would be most helpful for you and anyone else entering this career to know? Only you can answer that as that information will differ a lot from one field to another. However, you will need to explain and justify what you researched and why in the report. In your intro, briefly tell readers why you’re interested in pursuing this job. It can be helpful to ask your interviewee what a typical day is like to get a feel for what they do, but you don’t necessarily need a section on that. You will need to define the job and its duties, however. This is especially important if a reader might not know what the job is or entails. Do not focus on educational requirements, a pathway to the job, or how to get the job, etc. Focus on what the job itself is like, not on educational requirements or certifications people can quickly and easily look up. Audience Although this report is about you and it’s fine to use first person, address the report to first-year Davis students who might also be interested in pursuing the same career and benefit from your report. Hence, you should assume that your audience is educated but lacks specific knowledge about the field. Be careful to avoid jargon and define any terminology outsiders would not understand. Be sure to describe in your intro where you’re planning on working if it’s outside the U.S. to give readers some context. This also means that if you are writing about a job/career in another country, you would need to explain how it might be similar/different to that job in the U.S. Frequently job duties/skills are the same, but the communication, hierarchy, economic trends, etc. might differ significantly. It’s fine to use a combination of sources from the U.S. and your home country. You will just need to translate sources when you paraphrase or quote them. Primary and Secondary Research Talking to someone in the field is the best way to find out what a job is really like. Therefore, you will need to do an informational interview with someone in your field, ideally someone who has or has had the position you want to obtain. Although you will be writing about the entrylevel position, you need to interview someone who has been in that field for at least 5 years. An employee in an entry-level position will be less experienced, perform different tasks, and have a more limited perspective. However, some students choose to interview more than one person, and it’s fine if the second person has less than five years of experience. To find someone to interview, you will need to ask everyone you know who they know that might work in that profession. Think of networking as six degrees of separation. You might be not able to think of someone immediately, but you need to ask your family members, friends, roommates, former supervisors, teachers, professors, etc. Post a query on all of your social 2 media, too. You can also contact the UC Davis Internship and Career Center (ICC) to see if they know of any alumni working in your field. https://icc.ucdavis.edu/ For additional information on how to do an informational interview, refer to the ICC’s Career Resource Manual and the interview tips in Chapter 7 of Technical Communication. To supplement your informational interview, you will also do some additional research on the field to gain a variety of perspectives. Remember that one source is a small sample size, and your interview subject could have a different view than others in the field. Therefore, you will need to cite at least six additional credible, in-depth written sources about the field, which may include professional websites (and virtually every profession has one or more professional organizations), trade articles, government sources, and popular and/or scholarly articles. If you use popular articles, make sure the source is reputable and substantial. You should look for sources that are in-depth and provide not just facts but also an overview of what it might be like to work in that field. Therefore, you don’t want to use too many websites, and the only websites you should refer to are professional organizations--that is, they should be field specific and authoritative. Your goal is to establish that your research has been thorough and comprehensive and that you are credible in writing about this profession. You may wish to research unemployment rates in your field, typical trajectories of advancement, percentage of women in upper management, etc. However, you must be informed about the field’s current major trends to establish your ethos, or credibility, as a writer. For example, if major legislation has affected the field recently or is expected to, you should know that. You should also research how people in that field feel about or regard their careers. Reading a daily newspaper will also help keep you informed about what’s going on in your field and how the public perceives it. It’s important to avoid dumping lots of statistics and quotations from your research onto readers. Readers will ignore data if it becomes overwhelming or if it’s not explained and put into context. Your audience may not want five statistics on the same issue. You will likely find much more information than you can include. Pick and choose what’s most relevant. The report should also have an analytical, reflective component. Be sure to analyze and interpret what you think this information means and why it’s significant, so that the report isn’t simply a listing of facts with no meaning, interpretation, or opinion. What’s the context for understanding the information you provide? You will also need to look up and use the citation style used in the field. If it’s not commonly used in the workplace, use the citation style that would be used in the related academic major. Be sure to use the correct method in the text or footnotes/end notes (whichever is required) and references page. You must include an example or sample page/screenshot of the citation style with your final draft with the citation method listed on the page. Be sure to follow the formatting guidelines on the sample page you provide. Format and Organization Use a memo format, 1,800-2,100 words (max, not including citations), single spaced, block paragraphs. Don’t be nervous about the length of this assignment. You will have no difficulty 3 meeting the word minimum; most students struggle to figure out what to keep/cut to stick to the maximum. You will need to organize for readability, which means using headings/subheadings, bullet points, etc. Think about how to organize your information to make it easy for your reader to understand quickly and to re-read sections, as many readers do. If you incorporate visuals that are not your own, be sure to cite them. (And a visual alone would not be substantive enough to count as one of your six sources.) Memos are typically specific immediately and get to the point right away. Your introduction should briefly state your purpose, introduce your interviewee (credentials, including years of experience), and what you wanted to find out. You should also reflect on what you learned through this research in your conclusion. Your conclusion should not repeat what you already wrote but state what you learned overall about the profession from doing this research and what you made of that. Do some reflecting. Tell us if you discovered something that surprised you, or if you found what you expected to find. Readers will also want to know if doing this report changed your opinion about joining this field and why. You need to include a draft of your references page with the first draft of the report so we can assess the quality of your research as part of peer review. As part of the second draft due to Canvas, you need to include the following: • • • • your references page a sample/example of references page (e.g. a screenshot of how to cite an article and website) in your citation method, MLA, APA, IEEE, etc. the list of questions for your interviewee with the interviewee’s contact information (email and phone number) the process memo Portfolio Goals An excellent report conveys clear ideas about the job and field, develops them with relevant examples and evidence, and analyzes those ideas. The writer has researched the field and uses a variety of quality sources. The writer demonstrates depth as well as breadth in their research and thereby establishes credibility. The writer sounds knowledgeable about the profession. The report is organized for readability and uses a logical structure to convey the information with specific, appropriate headings, subheadings, etc. The writer uses the citation method appropriate to the field (APA, MLA, CBE, AMA) and correctly formats the references. The sentence structure is active and concise, and the writer avoids jargon. The report has few, if any, grammatical errors and looks polished and professional. An unsatisfactory report may use fewer than six sources beyond the interview, or the sources may all reflect the same category (i.e. all websites) and lack depth and breadth. It may lack an interview or contain minimal information on writing in the field. The exploration of the field may lack relevant examples or substance. The grammatical errors may be extensive and interfere with comprehension. The writer may fail to turn in a references page with the report. 4 This looks like almost exactly the same draft as your second draft. It doesn't look like you revised the draft based on the videos or your peers' comments or my comments on your second draft. The writing section isn't revised at all. Both of your peers stated that you needed to expand on that section and use another source in that section. Using sources in that section was a requirement that I've mentioned in several videos. You need to watch the videos again, analyze the student examples, read the prompt, and go into much more depth with much more research. I agree with your peer that much of your draft seems superficial and lacking depth. It does not look like you're watching the videos carefully, taking notes, and ding much time on this assignment. I mentioned in about three videos that most students end up with 8-10 sources, and the BLS counts as one. And the BLS is a website and doesn't count as an in-depth source. And if you want to work in China, you need to talk about the job and field in China, with relevant sources. Right now, your draft is not meeting the minimum requirements for six in-depth sources. You have a lot of work to do on this assignment. This isn't passing-level quality. The draft needs significant revisions. It would not meet the B contract requirement. And not applying the concepts from the videos and not revising violates the contract.