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You gave me the first draft sample last week, and this week I got some reviews of the essay need to improve below

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You gave me the first draft sample last week, and this week I got some reviews of the essay need to improve below. Don't need to write a new essay, just add or delete some of them.

1st Paragraph (Introduction: Define the Problem)

One thing Peggys does really well in her essay is to talk about the problem by pulling definitions, statistics and causes so that people can understand where the problem comes from. she gives a detailed background of the problem.

2nd Paragraph (Propose the solution)

She does propose a solution, but I think she should get more in dept / or more detailed. she talks about regular physical exercise but I think she could elaborate more on that.

She provides intext citations but I have never seen MLA like that so I am guessing she is paraphrasing?

3rd Paragraph (Explain Effectiveness)

I think it's effective as she talks about if from all possible angles. One thing I noticed is that she doesn't offer a solution on how people should learn to control what they consume. If we are talking about obesity.. I have the belief that some people can just not control it and they need a system of something to help them.

4th Paragraph (Address Fairness, Feasibility, and any Opposition or Weaknesses)

She talks about how other factors affect people's daily exercising lives, like transportation and it's results. and how physical activity is insufficient and proceeds to give some facts so people can look at it from another point of view (maybe is not people's fault they are overweight but transportation and other factors contribute to it)

I do not believe there's an opposition here.

Structure of your Proposal Argument Essay:

1st Paragraph (Introduction: Define the Problem)

To make it easier for everyone, state only ONE problem. You may one want to begin your introduction with a hook (statistic or surprising fact), and define your problem. Do not forget to include your research, in-text citation, paraphrases, and quotation marks for directly copied statements from your sources.

2nd Paragraph (Propose the solution)

To make it easier for everyone, propose only ONE solution. Do not forget to include your research, in-text citation, paraphrases, and quotation marks for directly copied statements from your sources.

3rd Paragraph (Explain Effectiveness)

Explain how effective your proposed solution is. Do not forget to include your research, in-text citation, paraphrases, and quotation marks for directly copied statements from your sources. Of course, you must include your own analysis as well.

4th Paragraph (Address Fairness, Feasibility, and any Opposition or Weaknesses)

You must include a counterargument. An example of a counterargument is in your Course Reader Chapter 10: This politician says that we should freeze military spending because our nation needs to save money. It's true that budgets must be carefully monitored, but my proposed increase in spending will actually generate more tax revenue because it will create new high-paying jobs. Do not forget to include your research, in-text citation, paraphrases, and quotation marks for directly copied statements from your sources.

5th Paragraph (Conclusion)

Your conclusion is a summary or restatements of what you have presented in your four paragraphs (problem/ solution/ effectiveness/ opposition). Do not forget to include your research, in-text citation, paraphrases, and quotation marks for directly copied statements from your sources.

 

Peggy Lin LA207_02 May.1.2021 Fitness Program for Obesity Obesity has now become one of the most significant challenges to the American way of life. In recent years, the obesity rate in the United States has continued to rise, and the overweight epidemic has resulted in many other diseases, including diabetes. Around one billion adults are overweight, with 300 million obese (Zhao et al., 2019). Obesity has many causes in modern society, including a lack of exercise, a sedentary lifestyle, high blood pressure, and convenient access to high-calorie foods. One of them is overeating, which can be caused by stress, illness, or simply a desire for food. Humans have evolved to be prone to overeating, especially high-calorie foods. The explanation for this is that food will cause the brain to produce and secrete dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to happiness (Sinha, 2018). Meanwhile, obtaining pleasure or relieving stress through the consumption of food and beverages is becoming increasingly common. Overeating regularly, on the other hand, is problematic and even dangerous because it can impair physical health, have a negative psychological impact, and harm one's social picture. Regular physical exercise is beneficial to one's health, particularly if one is trying to lose weight or maintain a healthy weight. Increasing physical activity increases the number of calories the body uses for energy, or "burns off," when losing weight. A "calorie deficit" is created when physical activity is paired with a reduction in the number of calories consumed, resulting in weight loss. The majority of weight loss is due to a reduction in calorie intake. However, research suggests that daily physical exercise is the only way to sustain weight loss. Perhaps significantly, physical exercise lowers the risk of cardiovascular disease and diabetes in addition to weight loss. To encourage healthy weight within a community, a fitness program must encourage people to engage in more physical activity. As much as an individual may engage in binge eating, physical exercise encourages fitness which burns off the extra calories and helps the individual maintain a healthy weight (Lavie et al., 2019). Sustaining health and wellness requires achieving and maintaining an acceptable body weight throughout one's life. A person's body weight is influenced by a variety of behavioral, ecological, and genetic factors. Weight control needs a long-term calorie balance. Calorie balance is the correlation between calories absorbed from foods and drinks and calories expended by natural body functions (such as metabolic activities) and physical activity. People have no control over how many calories are used in metabolic processes. Still, they control what they consume and how many calories are used in physical activity. For a person to sustain the same body weight, calorie intake must equal calories expended. Weight gain occurs as you consume more calories than you expend. Eating fewer calories than consumed, on the other hand, leads to weight loss. This can be accomplished over time by consuming fewer calories, physical activity, or combining the two. Transportation and technical advancements have resulted in people expelling fewer calories to perform daily activities over the last several decades. As a result, many people today must make an extra effort to be physically active during their leisure time to fulfill their physical activity requirements. Unfortunately, leisure-time physical activity is insufficient. About onethird of American adults say they engage in daily leisure-time physical activity. One-third say they engage in some leisure-time physical activity. One-third say they are inactive (Pandey et al., 2019). Physical activity participation decreases as people get older. In national surveys using physical activity monitors, for example, 42 percent of children aged 6 to 11 years engage in 60 minutes of physical activity a day, while only 8% of teenagers meet this target. Fewer than 5% of adults engage in 30 minutes of daily physical activity, with a marginally higher percentage meeting the recommended weekly target of at least 150 minutes. Obesity is a debilitating challenge that is affecting millions of people worldwide. It is primarily a result of unhealthy eating habits and a sedentary lifestyle. To maintain a healthy weight, one needs to achieve a healthy balance between calory intake and outtake. Physical activity and fitness are necessary to maintain a healthy weight. References Lavie, Carl J., et al. "Effects of physical activity, exercise, and fitness on obesity-related m orbidity and mortality." Current sports medicine reports 18.8 (2019): 292-298. Pandey, Ambarish, et al. "Physical activity, fitness, and obesity in heart failure with preserved ejection fraction." JACC: Heart Failure 6.12 (2018): 975-982. Sinha, Rajita. "Role of addiction and stress neurobiology on food intake and obesity." Biological psychology 131 (2018): 5-13. Zhao, Ning, et al. "Global obesity research trends during 1999 to 2017: a bibliometric analysis." Medicine 98.4 (2019).