While you certainly have a good topic, and have outlined three main points, recall that your main points should support your topic

While you certainly have a good topic, and have outlined three main points, recall that your main points should support your topic. That is, they should be relevant. In this case, it appears as though you are trying to persuade people that communication is important for a nation, but your main points seem to focus on the benefits and detriments to business. Perhaps your topic should be narrowed to focus on the importance of communication for teams. Then, with your last main point, you can raise the challenges, but then explain how they can be overcome. Your conclusion does not fit with your topic as it is about cells, not nations or teams. Finally, there are sentence-level that make it difficult to follow at times.