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Using concise language Make the following sentences more concise by omitting or replacing wordy expressions and unnecessary repetition

Communications

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Using concise language

Make the following sentences more concise by omitting or replacing wordy expressions and unnecessary repetition. Because items have more than one correct answer, you will see only a suggested answer for each item, and you will not receive a score for this exercise.

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1. In 1893, Thomas Edison set up the original first movie studio.

2. The first films were silent due to the fact that the technology for movies with sound did not exist.

3. Early silent movies looked jumpy and jerky.

4. The first silent films were also short in length, but studios later made full-length silents.

5. At the present time, film scholars acknowledge that some silents were masterpieces.

6. When the possibility of making movies with sound became possible, the silents were doomed.

7. There was an Al Jolson film in 1927 called The Jazz Singer that was the first "talkie."

8. Despite the fact that silent movies were still popular, film studios decided that talking pictures and silent pictures could not both please moviegoers.

9. Some studios released silent movies that played too fast at the wrong speed to prevent audiences from enjoying them.

10. The global popularity around the world of silent films on television and at film festivals proves that the best silents can still attract audiences.

Passive voice

1. The song "We Are the World" was written by Quincy Jones.

2. A bible, a mail-order catalog, and newsreels of President Franklin D. Roosevelt were

placed in a time capsule during the 1939 World's Fair.

3. Mistakes were made.

4. The first flight in a balloon powered with a small steam engine and propeller was made by Frenchman Henri Giffard in 1852.

5. The cotton textile industry in the United States was founded in 1790.

6. In 1917, the Eighteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which outlawed the manufacture, sale, or consumption of intoxicating liquors, was passed by Congress.

7. The powerful empire of the Aztecs was crushed by Hernando Cortez in the sixteenth century.

8. The famous quotation "Genius is two percent inspiration and ninety-eight percent perspiration" was uttered by Thomas Alva Edison.

9. The first known radio broadcast in America was made in 1906 by a radio experimenter, Reginald Fessenden, in Brant Rock, Massachusetts.

10. On the first Christmas during World War I, an unofficial truce was declared by British and German troops, who were enemies.

Using active or passive voice

1.

At the turn of the century, derby hats were worn by men in the United States and Europe.

At the turn of the century, men in the United States and Europe wore derby hats.

2.

The round, black derby was called a bowler by the British.

The British called the round, black derby a bowler.

3.

Men of every social class favored the derby.

The derby was favored by men of every social class.

4.

Derbies were chosen by wealthy men to avoid looking conspicuous.

Wealthy men chose derbies to avoid looking conspicuous.

5.

A man of the working class could wear a derby with dignity.

A derby could be worn with dignity by a man of the working class.

6.

Everyone, rich or poor, considered the derby to be appropriate for most occasions.

A derby was considered by everyone, rich or poor, to be appropriate for most occasions.

7.

The derby could be compared to today's blue jeans.

We could compare the derby to today's blue jeans.

8.

A person's social status is concealed by blue jeans.

Blue jeans conceal a person's social status.

9.

Old movies such as Mary Poppins reveal the popularity of the derby.

The popularity of the derby is revealed by old movies such as Mary Poppins.

10.

The derby was immortalized by Charlie Chaplin.

Charlie Chaplin immortalized the derby.

Parallelism

1.

The best ways to avoid debt are budgeting and avoiding credit cards.

The best ways to avoid debt are budgeting and to avoid credit cards.

2.

To make a budget, draw up a plan for spending money wisely and to stay within your means.

To make a budget, draw up a plan for spending money wisely and staying within your means.

3.

The first steps are writing down your expenses and to separate your "needs" from your "wants."

The first steps are to write down your expenses and to separate your "needs" from your "wants."

4.

"Needs" are things you have to do: getting to and from work, paying rent, and to keep food in the house.

"Needs" are things you have to do: getting to and from work, paying rent, and keeping food in the house.

5.

"Wants" are the things you like but don't have to do: to eat in restaurants, to own a pager, dry-cleaning your clothes.

"Wants" are the things you like but don't have to do: eat in restaurants, own a pager, or dry-clean your clothes.

6.

Continue by listing your income and comparing it to your expenses.

Continue by listing your income and to compare it to your expenses.

7.

Then you need to prioritize the bills, to see which ones are overdue, and to decide which ones you will pay first.

Then you need to prioritize the bills, see which ones are overdue, and to decide which ones you will pay first.

8.

The difficult aspects of a budget are sticking to it and learning how to economize.

The difficult aspects of a budget are sticking to it and to learn how to economize.

9.

For example, you can cut down on your entertainment expenses by buying used CDs, seeing movies at discount theaters, and eating out only on special occasions.

For example, you can cut down on your entertainment expenses by buying used CDs, seeing movies at discount theaters, and eat out only on special occasions.

10.

The benefits of budgeting are knowing where your money is going and to have control over your financial situation.

The benefits of budgeting are knowing where your money is going and having control over your financial situation.

Recognizing parallel structure

In the following sentences, decide whether the boldface words or phrases are parallel. If the elements are not parallel, choose the corrected sentence. Otherwise, choose "no change."

1. The traditional foods of a culture remind people of their shared past and are a way to bind them together in the future.

2. The foods of immigrants sometimes become part of the majority culture; Italian food and eating Chinese dishes have become popular all over the United States.

3. A former empire may adopt food brought back from its colonies, as the Dutch love Indonesian restaurants and the British adore Indian ones.

4. Sometimes, however, traditional favorite foods in one culture leave people from other cultures uninterested or they even feel disgusted.

5. For example, Marmite, a brown, salty, yeast-based spread, is a delicacy in England.

6. Even Marmite's makers admit that the pungent odor of Marmite and its tasting extremely strong offend some people.

7. Around the world, foods like fermented eggs and insect larvae attract faithful devotees, passionate opponents, and very few diners are indifferent to them.

8. Regional foods in the United States are treasured in one area and people have never heard of them elsewhere.

9. New Yorkers eat knishes, Louisianans consume boudin, and Coloradans sample Rocky Mountain oysters.

10. When people try to communicate across cultures, it is often easier at first to get to know others through their food than appreciating different social customs.

Improving sentence variety

1. Everyone obviously knows Disney. Disney is the biggest name in children's home entertainment.

2. You may not know that the second-biggest name is Olsen. Olsen is a familiar name to many girls between the ages of eight and twelve.

3. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen dominate the live-action children's video market. This market is incredibly profitable.

4. The Olsen twins entered show business when they were only four months old. They starred for eight seasons in the hit TV sitcom Full House.

5. They both played the part of Michelle. She is the youngest daughter in the Tanner family.

6. Mary-Kate and Ashley were millionaires at age ten. They have already made three TV movies, a feature film, two home video series, a music video, and two CDs.

7. The movie It Takes Two earned a modest $19.5 million at the box office but a whopping $75 million in home video sales. It costars Kirstie Alley and Steve Guttenberg.

8. Altogether, the fourteen titles in their two video series have sold more than six million copies. The two series are called The Adventures of Mary-Kate and Ashley and You're

Invited to Mary-Kate and Ashley's.

9. In the adventure series, the twins play cute detectives. They promise to "solve any crime by dinnertime."

10. These videos are aimed at preteen girls. The videos face virtually no competition in the home entertainment market.

Sentence variety

In each of the following items, two short sentences are given. Choose the sentence that correctly joins the original sentences in a way that makes sense.

1. Obesity is an increasing problem in the United States. It affects one out of eight American schoolchildren.

2. Researchers see many reasons for widespread obesity. They blame factors such as fast food, parents, schools, and advertisements.

3. Fast-food restaurants are a major source of fat in the American diet. They offer larger portions now than in previous decades.

4. French fries at McDonald's are one example. They now appear in a "super size" that is three times as large as the portion sold in 1955.

5. Children also pick up bad eating habits at home. They are often surrounded with junk food and soft drinks instead of healthy snacks.

6. Many parents mean well. They teach their children to prize candy and desserts by using them as rewards or special treats.

7. Schools are not teaching good nutrition either. They often allow snack and soft drink companies to advertise or sell products inside the school.

8. Schoolchildren are bombarded with food advertising at home and at school. They often give in to advertisements even if they do not want or need the food.

9. Physical activity is an important way to fight obesity. It is no longer a significant part of everyday life for many children.

10. Obesity is a major cause of premature death in this country. It will become a larger problem if today's overweight children become overweight adults.